It’s 3 a.m in the morning.. Another night i can’t rest my eyes.. It seems a long time ago since the night i have myself shaken in tears.. and had it again then,,, i have myself stand still now, everybody has been a fighter for their selves.. but starting that night long ago.. : the doubts linger.. Time can heal the disappointment, but can’t erase the skeptical attitude.. I have myself stop trying since then. There’s a time when i scattered the broken pieces.. I found it now walking further away from me.. Left everything behind and stayed as a stronger being.. there was a chance for the lights to come along.. They won’t come along after all.. So be it... I have myself stop trying since then. I don’t mind.. cause it’s none of my business, really... Because,, I’ve been looking in the mirror for so long.. And believing that my soul have trapped inside.. Convincing my reflection to stay forever.. ; A million pieces to get it back together.. Once i have believed.. But i stop trying since then... A picture of a single mind.. That i must have a time of my own.. To figuring the trembled puzzle.. Is there a mortality in hope.. Unwished for what i wished. Even yet it’s already so beautiful.. ~ everything i’m looking at I’m dancing in my innocence.. Singing in anynomous rhythm.. I’m enjoying my neglecting knowledge... Drowning on unlimited dance floor.. And i know there’s a time that i must stop. But the red shoes i wore is still stuck on my feet.. Keeping me to make these unstoppable steps... There’s nothing i want to do than this.. I’m dancing in my innocence.. It’s so beautiful... There’s no false in this. Because it’s so white.. Because nothing beautiful that this..
Then...
People said that there’s none of this words are true.. People said that there’s no such thing in this world.. : unconditionally . Every single of my fear is appearing in front of my eyes.. Revealing the deepest nightmare i’ve ever thought about.. I wished i know how to save the shivering soul... If I could i just want to hold it save in my arm.. But i never knew that i’m so damned that i couldn’t make any closer. They never knew either. That the big answer they eager to know never existed. It’s just a simple word they won’t understand. I breathe... slowly... To sure that no one realize i’m here.. I’m so tired.....
and tired.. i just wanna sleep...
and sleep..
Lately i thought that everything will be much better if i’m disappear.. I know i’m that selfish to refuse to let it all go.. And i’m too blur to stand up for fight... To step aside.. I’m stepping aside... Because i can’t face my reflection on the mirror right now...
Of all what i believe... i don't know it anymore...
and i'm starting to doubt myself whether what they say is true..
maybe i'm not being my self right now...
my head is spinning around...
and i found that everything so much in grey.
Of all what i want... i don't know either...
if i always said that i always followed my heart says...
i can't hear it right now..
cause it led me here once...
and it has been questioned....
so be it....
cause i still believe it somehow...
i'm rather mute myself... mute the world.. mute everything..
live in peace....
is it mean live in disguise?
No one knows...
what have i done? May God give me mercy...
for my unforgivable wish....
(inspired by many songs in my winamp.... everyone is being a fighter for their selves.. be brave for what you believe... what you dream... and what you wish.... !!)
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